to tell the people in your life, how much you care about them?
Today is my fathers birthday, he is 58! I love him immensely. He is the person that every man in my life has been scrutinized, in my own mind and measured up against. I named my first son after him. And boy did I junx myself with that. Little T is quite like his poppa, big T!
My father is not an affectionate man. Not his fault entirely. He lost his mum at a very early age and back then, it was very uncommon for a man to have any hand in upbringing children, so his relationship with his own father dwindled considerably. Part to his not being there for him and typical childhood rebellion I guess. Father has one brother, twin sisters, plus 3 more growing up. I have seen them all a handful of times and his father passed away years ago, before I ever had kids.
Today on his birthday, all I wanted to do was give him his card, visit for a few minutes, give him a hug and tell him how much I love him. Words that I know will make him uncomfortable and he will squirm like a cat in a blanket. Every year, I say I am going to do this, no matter if it makes him feel weird or not. I was set this year, nothing was going to keep me from it. I had the kids all eating dinner early so we could go see Poppa, when I get the call that he was sick, on his birthday! :(
I have to call him after dinner to wish him a happy birthday, he was sleeping most of the day I hear. I know I could say I love you over the phone, but it is something I really want to do in person. Hope I don't make him run for cover. Wish he could accept my love, the love from his child a little easier.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Why is it so darn difficult
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3 comments:
I hope you get your chance to visit with him soon. I don't have a good relationship with my father but I'm sure I will miss him/regret not having better communication with him. It's just hard to get over all the hurt I guess.
Anyway, I hope you can get together with him and let him know how much you care.
I hope you are able to say all that you want to say to him soon. Sometimes it's hard for me to open up to my family members and say things like that too, even with my own father, but once I finally get it all out, I feel so much better. :)
{{{ Hugs}}}} Your thoughts made me appreciate the open and loving relationship I had with my father.Hope you get a chance to tell him how much he means to you.
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