Pink frogs on my socks

Hi!

2009-04-02T12:08:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't posted in a bit, just wanted to let you all know we are still alive!

Times are tight, things are hard but we are squeaking through, just barely.
We are still fighting to get insurance for Emily. Meanwhile, her arthritis is getting worse. Its affecting every area of her life. She hasn't slept well in close to a year now. Coupled with pain and swelling and she is just not having it easy. She does have good days though.

Logan made the honor roll, again. She is excited about a project she is working on about Greece and Mythology. She is currently still addicted to her video games and has found the joys of wifi on her Animal Crossing games. That is taking up most her time.

Thomas is still a rambunctious boy! Full of energy and always wants to be on the go, like his dad. He is sad to be changing schools next year. But he is excited to be able to meet new friends.

Sam is still a tiny mite. He is currently wearing size 12-18 month pants and we just switched to size 4 diapers, although they are still a little roomy. He doesn't talk a ton that others can understand and loves to play with trucks and cars all day. He is currently obsessed with the Cars movie and wants to watch it constantly.

Hope you all are doing well. Please leave me a post and let me know how you and your families are doing.

Sammy update

2009-01-17T16:06:00.002-05:00

I can't say thank you enough for all your thoughts and prayers. They really must have been heard, and quick.
Sam went from being in the ICU and having the doctor saying she was not sure what was going on with him and thinking of shipping him to the biggest hospital in the state, to making enough of a recovery, that he was able to go home.

He is still not 100% in the clear. He is a very little guy, as you all know and he lost some weight. His appetite is close to nothing still but we are working on that. Being at the hospital and being poked and prodded so much, he was quite stressed. Being able to be home now has helped put a little bit of pep back into his step. He is still quite energetic and has had a few vomiting spells, but seems to be making some positive recoveries.
He has quite a few bruises and blisters/rashes from the tape and adhesive. His pointer finger is one giant blister from the nurse wrapping his hand so tight that first night. :(
He does keep rubbing his head occassionally, which bothers me for obvious reasons. Probably because of our history as a family. I am just gonna keep an eye on that for now.
Continued thoughts and prayers would be appreciated and thank you!

Update

2009-01-15T13:09:00.003-05:00

Some of you may or may not know that my little guy is pretty sick. He has been in the hospital, in the ICU, since Monday night. They are unsure what is going on with him, something about his large intestine is what I heard. Can't quite remember what though. He has perked up a bit today, is actually sitting up and drinking. Please keep him in you thoughts and prayers.

Sam the man turns 2!

2009-01-07T14:08:00.008-05:00

Christmas pics

2009-01-07T14:01:00.003-05:00

Giveaway! Build A Bear Wii Game

2008-12-02T17:08:00.004-05:00

Check out my friend,Pajamamom's blog for all the great info! This is truly a can't miss oppurtunity!

http://pajamamom.com/2008/11/giveaway-build-a-bear-wii/

What every Mainer already knows

2008-11-17T21:54:00.002-05:00

Maine:

-is recognized as one of the most healthful states in the nation, with summer temperatures averaging 70° F. and winter temperatures averaging 20° F.

-is about 320 miles long and 210 miles wide, with a total area of 33,215 square miles, or about as big as all of the other five New England states combined.
consists of 16 counties with 22 cities, 424 towns, 51 plantations, and 416 unorganized townships.

-claims America's first chartered town: York, 1641.

-has one county (Aroostook) so big (6,453 square miles) that it actually covers an area greater than the combined size of Connecticut and Rhode Island.

-has one mountain which is approximately one mile high - Mt. Katahdin (5,268 ft. above sea level).

-boasts of 6,000 lakes and ponds, 32,000 miles of rivers and streams, 17 million acres of forestland, and 5,500 beautiful miles of coastline, including that of its 2,000 islands.

-has 60 lighthouses including Portland Head Light, commissioned by George Washington.
-has more than 25 ski areas, including nationally known Sugarloaf USA, Saddleback, Sunday River, and others.
-abounds in natural assets, 542,629 acres of state and national parks, including the 92-mile Allagash Wilderness Waterway, Acadia National Park (second most visited national park in the United States), and Baxter State Park (location of Mt. Katahdin and the end of the Appalachian Trail).

-has estimated travel and tourist income of $2.75 billion and welcomes over 8 million visitors annually.

-is America's largest blueberry-growing state, raising 98% of the low-bush blueberries in the United States. Potatoes rank fourth in acreage and sixth in production nationally.

-is nationally famed for its shellfish; over 63 million lb. of lobster were harvested in 2007. The total of all shellfish and fin harvested was approx. 223 million lb. with a total value of approx. $636.1 million in 2007 .

The Way Life Should Be!

Wheres Sammy?

2008-11-08T09:58:00.000-05:00

An open letter to Barack Obama

2008-11-05T08:18:00.002-05:00

Not sure if this type of coyping and pasting is allowed but, I read this letter on theroot.com and found it truly amazing and inspiring. Sums up alot of views and thoughts to a T! And yes, I know I am not african-american. :)

Alice Walker on expectations, responsibilities and a new reality that is almost more than the heart can bear.

Nov. 5, 2008

Dear Brother Obama,

You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done. We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people's enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, "hate the sin, but love the sinner." There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people's spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to "work with the enemy" internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

In Peace and Joy,
Alice Walker

We voted, did you?

2008-11-04T11:22:00.003-05:00

Picture

2008-10-29T19:22:00.002-04:00

Pumpkin' land!

2008-10-11T21:24:00.008-04:00

The last picture was tooken here at home. A friend of the family grew a mammoth 100 pound pumpkin and his sister painted a lobstering scene on it for our family. Very sweet!

Pics from today with ole Blue :)

2008-09-13T12:36:00.005-04:00

Here are some snapshots I took today while out on the boat. A fellow lobsterman caught "Ole Blue" in his trap just up the bay the other day and left him in a crate for the kids to look at. Truly a beautiful yet rare occurence to have caught a blue lobster. The photos don't do it justice. It was gorgeous. Oh, and the lobsterman will be not be selling Ole Blue, she will be returning to the ocean :)

Sam's first real haircut

2008-07-31T12:52:00.008-04:00

before and after, of course just as handsome as ever. He really was not impressed with the whole expierence but a lollipop cheered him up :)

And Thomas got his haircut too :)

She's here

2008-07-28T08:21:00.002-04:00

After a 2 year absence, AF is back with avengence! She showed up early yesterday afternoon just as I was stripping down to my swimsuit to take a dip in the pool. Bummer :(

In high school, I always chuckled at the girls on the sidelines during gym class. Unable to participate due to bad menustrual cramps. I thought for sure they were faking it. I never had one iota of a cramp, backache, bloating, nada. They surely must be just trying to get out of gym class or be wussyfied.
Even growing up with 2 other sister, I didn't get a glimpse of overwhelmingly emotional and painful cycles. After having 3 kids, my cycles simply went back to the way they were.
This time around however, I must have been due. I have felt really emotional and crummy for the past 3 days. My lower stomach is so sore. I just don't feel up to par. I really hope that all these symptoms are just a one time thing and not a sign of what is to come every month. Blah.
Oh, and my lump is still there and unchanged. :/

18 month check-up

2008-07-25T09:07:00.003-04:00

Sam's 18 month well child visit was yesterday. He received his very last immunization until he is 5! Woot!
His height was 32 inches and his weight was a whopping 19.6 pounds! I have no idea where he sits on the percentage scale and this point it doesn't matter. I am no longer worried about his health and left wondering if he is getting enough nourishment. He is just going to be a little mite.

I think, overall, his development is right on par. He walked a little later than the rest of his age group but now he has caught up. We met another little boy yesterday while waiting for the doctor who was Sam's age and he seemed to be right where Sam was. It was nice to see another child, Sam's age, on the same developmental scale.

Running is now the preferred method of getting around. He is fult tilt all day. You would think he would sleep better because of this, but no such luck. He has spent a few naps in his playpen. Which is wonderful. Not forced though. Soon enough he will be grown up and gone and I will miss those days of co-sleeping so I am in no rush to push him out. He says just a few simple words now. He says thank you alot. It sounds more like, "tank chu" as Susan can attest, but its super cute. I wish he would say momma, but he won't the turd. I try to teach him momma and boobie all day long. He wont' have it. Pretty stubborn, that child is.

Uh-oh

2008-07-17T13:48:00.002-04:00

I need to get this off my chest....
Apparently, the(roughly)5mml sized hard lump in my left breast is not normal. Not sure where to go from here or what to think but I go back to a new doctor in 2 weeks and I am not sure what to expect. I haven't told anyone in my real life, for fear of upsetting Mark or the kids so I hope to update here if anything comes of it. Which I hope is nothing.
Anyone with any information or expierence with this is greatly appreciated.

A picture post

2008-07-14T08:08:00.004-04:00

A few pictures from the beach and Funtown this past weekend.

Need help

2008-07-10T07:43:00.002-04:00

I have tried 3x in the past 24 hours, to upload a video of Sam. I can't use photobucket as the site claims that the file is too big. I am unsure how to make it smaller and when I try to upload the file here on blogger, it just stalls or freezes.
:/

General update on us :)

2008-06-17T07:21:00.003-04:00

Since I haven't really updated about my family lately, I figured now is a good time while I wait for daycare to arrive.

There are a few changes in Emma's treatment lately. Yesterday I had to take the day off to go to a "teaching" of her new medication. A weekly shot of Humira into her leg/stomach area. Needless to say that she is not happy about it. Yesterday she got her first dose, unexpectedly, and was hysterical. She is home today from school, due to side effects that kept her awake most of the night. Or so she claims. I am pretty sure she is faking. Our friends from Pennsylvania are in town this week and I am thinking Emma is wanting to spend the day with her friend, K. Since K is already here this morning, I am gonna guess I am right :)

Logan is doing phenomenal at school. With all her challenges and special classes, I will admit that I didn't expect her to succeed quite as much as she has. I thought she would coast through on the borderline like she usually has. She got a 99% on her big science project and made the honor roll all year! We are celebrating by taking her and a friend, plus the rest of the family, to Funtown next month!

Guess who taught himself to ride a 2 wheel bike in 1 day? THOMAS!!! He got sick of using his training wheels when all the rest of his friends were riding 2 wheelers. So last week he asked me to take them off and has been zipping around without them ever since! With the nice weather here lately, we have been riding bikes every night. Even made it to the bike path the other night and we made it the whole way!!
I am so proud of him. He reminds me of me so much. Its all or nothing with him and once he sets his mind on something, it doesn't stop until its done.
The other thing going on with Thomas is his skin condition. I noticed a patch of raised skin on his neck last week and spotted the same on both his elbows 2 days ago. I was pretty sure I knew what it was but needed the pediatrician to examine and diagnosis herself. Sure enough, he has psoriasis. Very dissappointing. Of course, I have played it off as it is nothing to him but I am worried with it being so high on his neck that it will travel to his face. Anyone who has psoriasis or knows someone who has it, understands how humiliating and uncomfortable it can be. I pray it doesn't flare too bad and stays off his face and other clearly visible area.

Sam the man is still just a going. He says a few words now like: Woah, uh-oh, no, whats that. Can't get the little bugger to say momma, for the life of me. He is running full force now, everywhere. He is still just a little mite and still is wearing his pants that are 6months in size..I joke you not. Out of all my children, I have the feeling he is the one that will keep me on my toes the most. He is fearless and a little monkey. He is constantly climbing on anything he can and has more bumps and bruises than I can count.

As for Mark and I, things are okay. Financially we struggle, like everyone else but are managing. We are in the process of getting some debt help/relief...keep your fingers crossed for us. After that process is done, we are hoping to get a construction loan to build on our land.
As I stated before, our friends from Pa. are in town. Its nice to see them. You never know how much needed friendship is in your life until you see your dearest friend after a long absence. Its nice to pick up where you left off and its as if she never left. Sure we are completly different and things have changed between us, but in a good way. I am in the hopes to find a sitter and go out to dinner, as they suggested, this week before the head home.

As Karen suggested, I will try to get some pics of all of us up sometime this week! Thanks for reading.

Must I go over this

2008-06-16T22:05:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine questioned me today about my absence on a certain forum (and no it is not S) that I do not frequent anymore. Just to clear the air, since some people seem to like to speculate or claim there was some sort of falling out with others...please keep the drama to yourselves. It is an online forum, only the second one that I have partook in and I left cause I was not "feeling" the vibe of it anymore. No drama, no internet immature arguments, no "fallings out". I also don't have the time to sit online as much as I did before. I wish only the best for the women I connected with on there and keep in touch with them as best as I can.

I don't know why I felt compelled to type that up other than the fact that I don't like being discussed unless its accurate, thanks.

K'NEX

2008-06-05T07:20:00.004-04:00

K'NEX are just as good and versatile as Legos. Did you know the two toys can be used together and fit? Having 4 kids, and a brick building master for a husband, there is never a shortage of Legos at any given time in my home. I had seen the K'NEX brand at the stores, and remembered them from childhood, but didn't want to go through the pricey ordeal of starting a new collection.
When I received our K'NEX package in the mail, I was quite surprised and pleased at how versatile the toys were. The instructions were easy enough for my 7 year old to follow on his own and one package of K'NEX made over 3 different models. I would recommend K'NEX to any child or adult, who likes to tinker around with Legos and/or like to build. Here are a few pictures from Thomas's building excitement.

Pictures (again)

2008-05-12T21:20:00.002-04:00

We have a walker!!!

2008-04-28T18:06:00.003-04:00

The little man is finally walking! He is still wobbly and unstable for the most part but its exciting! I can't get my photo sharing site to upload video or I would share it with you all. I might take some photos and post them in succession for ya'll! :)

A Thomas randomization

2008-04-19T08:29:00.003-04:00

Driving home from BK last night, Thomas, after having picked off all the seeds on his hamburger bun, wraps them loosely in a napkin and shoves them in his pocket.
Arrive home, Thomas finishes his dinner and heads outside. He comes back in with dirty hands and insists on taking me and Sam outside.
He brings us to the spot where he planted all his seeds so we could have a hamburger tree. I ask him if he really thought that those seeds would spout a hamburger tree and he said, yes, or at least a really pretty meat flower! Hehe

70 degrees in Maine in April!!!!!!!!

2008-04-18T19:31:00.005-04:00

How could I resist not spending the day at the playground?!

Pictures

2008-04-07T12:43:00.004-04:00

Another endo post

2008-04-04T14:05:00.002-04:00

Heard back from the endocrinologist's nurse today. L had a bone scan of her hand last month to see how aged her bones were compared to her. At the time, L was 12.5 years old and her scan showed her bones being 14.3 years old.

I also got some serious validation about not giving her the growth hormone years ago. The nurse said that Logan's petite size was the result of her radiation and disease. Kids who have medulloblastoma, as Logan did, have shortened spine stature/growth. So basically, the gh would have done not a thing for her. Stick that in your pipe Dr.M!
Just because a child has had a life threatening disease and numerous surgeries and treatments, doesn't mean every parent is quick to adminster tons more meds into our them.

Alas, we are still going to see him in a week or so for the talk on giving her the gh for metabolic/adult reasons. Not sure what it is all about and I doubt we will give it to her but I am going to keep my ears open and hear both sides before I make a decision and talk with her about it.

A picture is worth a thousand words!

2008-04-01T15:48:00.003-04:00

I need some recommendations

2008-03-31T21:18:00.003-04:00

on a new vaccum, please. Mine has officially kicked the bucket and I can't go without one for long. Thankfully, most of my home is hardwood so I can wait a few days to get a new one. I would love to hear some pros and cons about brands, models, etc.
The last two vaccums I have had were both Dirt Devils. I need to have an upright vaccum and enjoy the hepa filters and bagless models!
TIA!

I like to grow, grow, grow

2008-03-30T08:08:00.002-04:00

L's appointment at the endocrinologist was last week. Dr.M was just as I remembered him, an obnoxious ass. He spent a good portion of the visit, trying to make me feel badly that we stopped seeing him years ago. One visit to him alone is over $300 and with no insurance, plus no medical need to see him, we stopped going. Her regular doctor in town took over her thyroid testing and we were not convinced back then, especially with all the side effects, that growth hormone was the route for us.

I took his negativity instead of replying, which is very unlike me, just to get him to get on with the visit and focus on Logan. However, if it continues, I will take him aside where Logan can't hear us and let him know how unprofessional he is being and ask him whether he can "handle" seeing my daughter without making personal attacks. If not, I can ask to see Dr.O instead.

We didn't really get the information I wanted either. They tested her thyroid and decided to up her dose from 100mcg to 125mcg. No big deal there. They checked her weight, height, reflexes, strength, etc.
They measured her height while standing and then while sitting. Logan has very long, gazelle like legs. They are fabulous! However, once you hit her bum, she is very small. Its almost as though someone placed a hand on her head and her bum and smooshed her together.

Part of me always wondered if she was small because of all she has been through, ie:chemo/radiation. When she was tested to see where her gh (growth hormone) levels were, she was right on the line of normal and low. No doctor could tell us whether she would grow to her full potential or not and if it was because she was genetically prone to be petite or because of the damage on her body from the cancer. And with gh meds being a shot everyday and all the horrible side effects, we opted to not put my little girl through that. After all, she had justs stopped 2 years of poison to her body and fighting for her life, I feel she needed a break.

So seeing now that L is very petite and that it bothers her, we went back to the endo to see what, if anything he could do. Because Logan is 12 and has started her period, he doesn't think that gh meds would help at all. Once a girl hits about this age, her bones start to fuse together and by then, it makes gh shots pretty pointless. He said however that gh shots could be given for metabolic purposes but wouldn't get into why he would give her it and all that goes along with it. We have that appointment, (the gh/metaboli talk) in 2 weeks. Its an hour long appointment appointment. Great, 1 full hour with Mr.Sunshine...I am really looking forward to it.

He did say that her stature, when measured with her in the sitting position, from spine to head, was very petite. And, that it was not uncommon for children with intense radiation to the whole spine, to have this happen. So in other words, gh meds won't do a damn thing to help her. :/

He also suggested to give her 800mcg of Vitamin C/D every day. So we need to go get some of that. Other than that, not much else to report. Thanks if you got this far.

Footloose and fancy free!

2008-03-25T08:27:00.004-04:00

My mum got Sam these uber cute shoes for rabbit day! They are called Polliwalks and I can't wait until he fits his little feet into them! And until he can walk too! They are super soft and comfy looking! Aren't they the cutest?

Still here

2008-03-22T11:58:00.002-04:00

For anyone that still checks this and honestly cares and wonders about me and my family, I want you to know we are still here! :)
Poor Sam has had influenza for a while now, even had to go to the hospital for rehydration and his high fever(104). Couldn't seem to get it to go down at home.

Also, one of my daycare kids got diagnosed with RSV, after I sent him home from my house cause he was too sick to be here.

Poor Logan had to go have some tests done yesterday, which was a bear with all the kids and poor sick Sam. Anyway, her arm is all bruised and very sore. Logan has had numerous surgeries and tests, so if she is hurting its not a good thing.

Don't know where to start with Emma except we have the referral process going for Boston and it looks like surgery for her foot.

Oh, and it looks like we are moving, Yay!

I will pop in again when I can...also check out my other blog if you get time.
Thanks
H

Potty a go-go

2008-03-08T15:46:00.002-05:00

I was told today that the two youngins' that I just picked up for my daycare are not potty trained :/

They are working on it however and wanted my help. Great, wonderful, less diapers that I would have to change however, I have not potty trained anyone in years! I was lucky that my children pretty much trained themselves so I need some major help.
I will be going out to buy one of those inserts to put on my toilet this week.
There is one boy(4) and one girl(3). Seems the girl is much more intersted in training than the boy.

Should I dive right into it when they get here on Tuesday for the first time, or do I hold off a few days and let them get to know me and get acquainted with my home?

Anyone want to share some potty training tips with me? I feel so out of the loop!

Survivors guilt

2008-03-07T08:29:00.002-05:00

After a recent death of a little girl who battled the same horrible disease as my daughter, I feel not only distraught, heartbroken, lost, but guilt striken. It was eating away me yesterday to the point where I could not stop crying. My kids were asking what was wrong, but I didn't have the heart to tell them.

Especially loulou. I know that when she does find out, she will not only be extremly sad and emotional, she will become panicked. That is the way her mind works. She will ask me hundreds of times a day if her cancer is really gone, am I sure it cannot come back, will she die. As selfish as it sounds, I can't deal with those questions right now.

A's death has brought back up, not only a lot of guilt on my behalf for having a healthy, cancer free child, but the terrible memories of this disease and all she went through in those years. Memories that I believe I surpressed for many years. Bringing them up are very hard on my mind, my well-being. I can't focus on other things, I walk around crying all day. I try to keep myself occupied but my mind always wanders back.
Not only to the days of radiation and chemo, but the day specifically when we heard the news. The worst day so far in my life. Riding to the big hospital in my little car for an hour, just staring in the backseat at my beautiful two year old and feeling that they just handed us a death sentence for her. The swarm of doctors and specialists we encountered that first week and the emergency 4 hour brain surgery she had while I sat outside clutching to her favorite doll that went everywhere she did.

I want to cry and scream and claim this world, God if you will, unfair. Why punish the weak and innocent? Why must the children suffer? Why do I feel so guilty that my own child lived and theirs did not? Why can't M be strong enough to hear my distress? Why do I suffer in silence?
But cancer is non escapeable, there is not fire ladder, no exit sign or rope to pull anyone up. It is what it is...why can't we cure it.

I keep on falling.....

2008-03-06T08:30:00.002-05:00

and M keeps on pushing me down harder. We are going on day three of not speaking. Well, actually we had an argument this morning, on the phone. I really don't know what to do anymore about our situation.
I keep hoping that with time things will get better but they seem to be getting worse and he places all the blame on me. Did I ask for this? Do you really think I am having a party over all this?

I might post more in depth about all this later on, right now it is just too much to type up and I did alot of venting on the phone earlier, so my mind is still going round and round.

Something smells

2008-03-04T20:48:00.002-05:00

like poop that is. I swear that the new baby smell has morphed into the who made a poopy smell already.

I remember when little S's doo-doos were sweet/musky smelling. The smell of a full bellied boobie baby. I could lift my little guys bum right under my nose and breath in the smell and not gag. Just give a little Pew U and change him up. I even threw the diapers right in the trash, not needing the diaper pail as the smell was not overwhelming.

Now, however, the doo-doos have turned into crap, poop, the big brown smell. They are big boy poops and stink to high heaven! The aroma can stop me the minute I enter the bedroom. I don't need to raise his little bum up near my nasal passages to distinguish whether he crapped in his diaper, there is no questioning it anymore.

Heres hoping to early potty training!

Phobias

2008-03-01T21:13:00.002-05:00

Is it normal to have them? If so, how many would you have to have to be considered abnormal?
I was thinking today, while watching my 7 year old freak out because he got his sweater and longjohn shirt stuck, halfway off his head. Maybe, just maybe, he has inherited my intense claustrophobia.

As a kid, I was scared of everything. The dark, small spaces, bugs, dogs, dirt. I think it was part of an escape mentality I had to help me cope with my unhappiness. As I have gotten older, things have gotten better, somewhat. My childhood phobias have been replaced by more adult phobias.
I still don't care for the dark or small places but I can cope with them, when I need to. I don't panic instantly or cry.
My top 3 phobias are as follows:

Spiders- any and all. No matter what size or color, they are all evil. I hear people keep them as pets. I only like to see spiders in my home if they are on the bottom of M's shoe and smooshed. Someone once told me that the average person eats 5 spiders in their lifetime while sleeping. I think that statement says it all.

The dark- I have had this phobia for as long as I can remember. I have outgrown the thought of monsters hiding in the dark, waiting for me. But I prefer to keep a nightlight on, which I do.

Elevators, small cars, tiny areas- again, had this phobia forever. Not sure why I feel this way but I won't put myself in a situation where I have to take an elevator or ride in the back seat of a small 2 door car. I will sweat and panic to the point of hyperventilating. Its not a pretty sight.

I love LOST(Sawyer)

2008-02-29T08:26:00.001-05:00

Hubba Hubba

Quick update

2008-02-26T08:26:00.002-05:00

Sorry it has been a while. Been busy here. Emma saw the specialist yesterday and it looks like we will be on our way to Boston as soon as they can fit us in. We go back to the specialist, here in Maine, in 2 weeks for some scans/bloodwork, and to see how she is handling the meds they gave her.

I know that her diagnosis is certainly not the worst thing in the world but it is quite devastating for us. It has made her very immobile in the past months and depressed, along with the undying insomnia.

The scale said she has put on 11 pounds since it all began. We will have to shop for new clothes this week. Her pants are skin tight! She almost cried when the doctor said there was no cure and that she will have to live with it for the rest of her life.

I hope we can get some answers soon!

Just another post by the emotion queen

2008-02-20T10:19:00.000-05:00

I guess I have always been kind of a loner, I don't let people in too easily and when I do, I usually end up hurt. I have let my guard down more as I have matured and gotten older but still, the inevitable happens.
Recently, I have been having a difficult time of things, I opened up immensely to just get it turned against me and I have been having a hard time recovering from that, along with other circumstances that are uncontrollable right now. I can't grasp hold of the rescue rope to pull myself back up where I should. I am just going through the motions at this point.

I suffer in silence, I guess I don't want others to know I am weak and feel the way I do. One very observant person, who is always in my life and I take for granted, has really been here for me. I don't know why I thought that she wouldn't or why I did not confide in her earlier, but I wish I had. I am so sick of blaming myself for everything. She has helped me see all sides of the box, with everything going on in my life right now. She won't read my blog and I won't tell her, but I love you T.

Its all set

2008-02-18T08:04:00.000-05:00

Loulou's appointment at the endocrinologist. We are lucky enough to have a slight pull from the oncologist, and will not have to wait the 6 months to get in. We go in to see Dr.A next month.
I got some great, yet way overdue, info on the growth hormone(GH) while we were at cancer clinic last week. I really wish I would have gotten the info sooner and I might have opted to give L the hormone alot sooner. But whats done is done now. I was very uniformed and naive in thinking that a GH deficiency would and could only affect her growth, height wise. From the info that I got, it seems it can do a number on your emotions and overall health. Wouldn't it be wonderful if this GH was the magic ticket we needed to get L back on track, physically and emotionally?

I think M and I are both at the point where we know something needs to be done to help her grow. Of course, the serum is not 100% but she feels so down on herself now, that anything, even a bit of hope, has really turned her spirits up.

The only down side, so far, is that I have yet to investigate the side effects. I know I have info on it, but I just don't want to look at them yet. But I will.
Oh, and of course, the office for the endo is not near me, so I will have to be traveling.
Of course, M isn't the typical husband and can't babysit me to every appointment so I enlisted my mum to go to the first one. Not only to have someone else to absorb the info from but she has that nice Garmin in her car so we won't get lost!

I am so

2008-02-17T06:42:00.000-05:00

tired and emotionally drained. The past month has been a whirlwind of change and drama filled days. There has come a point where any sane person would snap. I think I past that point but am holding onto sanity by a thread for the sake of my children.

I am counting down the days until I can talk to someone. I think a sounding board is all I need to start to feel better.

I can't take bulling anymore

2008-02-12T21:14:00.000-05:00

Someone I love, in my family, has been being bullied for a while. I tried to stay out of it but after the last round of insults and being called gross and numerous other things, that she does not deserve. I fired back and man did it feel good!

Noone should be blamed for their parents mistakes or life choices. Things that happened as we were children and before you knew any of those involved, are none of your damn business. And here I thought you were a good Christian woman. Guess you got mistaken with a judgemental bitch.

Oh, and sorry for all the journalish/emotional blogs lately but this is what my blog is for, for me. A place to vent at times.

Blah blah blah

2008-02-12T13:57:00.000-05:00

Not much to really blog about today. Been on the phone most the morning, chatting with friends, making appointments, paying bills, trying to get information. Have yet to get that important phone call I assumed I would get today. Even though I am sick of talking on the phone today, I would like to get things hashed out and move onward.

I think my washing machine is on its last leg. It is about 18 years old and sounds like a cow dying when in cycle. Think it is about time to put ol' Bessie out to appliance heaven but Mark hopes we can get another 6 months out of her. I hope so, or I will be over to the laundromat with my clothes and 4 kid. :(

I need

2008-02-12T11:44:00.000-05:00

someone to vent about Rock of Love2 with. Help! Does anyone else watch this besides me?

Is there a difference

2008-02-11T07:06:00.000-05:00

between daycare and babysitting?
I started to watch a few children in my home, in the hopes of getting licensed and starting an in home daycare. And to pick up a few extra quid!

Anyway, I watch an infant from 6am-11pm Saturday and Sunday. When I first agreed to watch said infant(I will name J), I didn't realize that it would be on the weekends and that it was that insane amount of hours in one day. But, I was committed and getting $100 a week for it.

Thursday, I talked to the mum and told her she needed to give me an extra $25 a week. I was going to have to pay another mother to bring my son to his swim lessons every week so I didn't have to load up 5 kids to do it and that extra cash would take care of that. She said it was fine...until she showed up Saturday morning. She went through a big speel on how she was broke, was living in a shelter with her baby, the father wasn't helping, etc. I felt bad for her, naturally, bought the sob story.
She then proceeds to tell me that she quit her job! She is starting a new job though so she still needs me to watch J. I ask why, if she didn't have to work today, she was dropping him off so early. She said she needed to pack up her things at the shelter as she was applying for Section 8 housing and she needs to be out of the shelter quick if she gets it.
She paid me in advance for the weekend so nothing I can say about it so I shrug my shoulders and she says that because of this, I will only have Jacob til 4 at the latest. Great, I thought, I can have a peaceful dinner with the kids, maybe bring them out.
She calls at 3:30 to let me know that she is gonna go out with friends and she swears she will be back by the usual time. I am not happy about this, but since she paid me in advance, how can I say no? I do tell her that her son has been very upset all day, nothing I can do will calm him down and he has gone through 3 outfits so she needed to drop more by.
When she finally gets there, she sees how upset he is, but I guess it doesn't bother her. So off she goes for the night. Well that night also happened to be the night we had a good snowstorm AND my furnace broke. I rang her at 9pm, phone went straight to voicemail, big shock there, to let her know what had happened and that it was rather cold in my house. She needed to come get her child cause I was contemplating going to a friends or my mum's house to stay warm.
She calls me back at 10:45pm to let me know that she just got the message and had too much to drink so she needs to sober up before she can drive to get Jacob! I am fuming at this point. The baby won't stop crying and I am beat!
Long story shorter, I wait until 11:30pm. She is still not there, so I lock the door, turn off the lights and go lay down. The phone rings about 12:30, its her, saying she is outside. I let her in, she starts apologizing. I am not in the mood for arguing and am too tired to discuss that night so I tell her we will discuss it another time. I also tell her to not even think about dropping J off at 6:30 the next day. I need some sleep and she won't be going to work, so there is no need.

When she comes back this weekend, I will need to say something to her, I just don't know what. My mum suggested telling her that I am a daycare, not a babysitter. I will watch her child while she goes to work, not partying. I am unsure what exactly to say, but I know I want it to stick and not be open for discussion or debate.
Thanks to anyone who read this, it felt good to type it out and get it off my mind.

Hmmm

2008-02-10T16:33:00.000-05:00

Just upset today. It has become blatanly obvious that I am being snubbed by certain individuals, which is fine, whatever. But why drag others into it? I haven't and won't do that. If I have a disagreement or a grunt with someone, I certainly don't need someone else to back me up on it or be mean to said person to make me feel better.

Bothers me more when I have done nothing, although I am sure that is not what is being tossed about. If all this useless drama is about what I think it is, will just fuel my fire about it more. But I am not gonna resort to high school mentality and gather others on "my side". So grow up already, I don't need this grief.

Amen!

Making a clean start

2008-02-08T07:21:00.000-05:00

This post would have looked much better at the beginning of the year, when everyone is making their resolutions and plans for the upcoming year. As usual, I am a little late.
Being a sahm mom, I have alot of time, not to myself, but for my mind to think and wander. Lately, it has been wandering around, in circles, in the spots I don't like. Hence, the clean start. I have allowed certain "toxins" into my life, not all by choice. Some, I have let in with good intentions and they have chosen to plant some weeds in my life. Nothing that a little Round-up won't fix!

So, I am at the beginning of a pre-spring cleaning! Unfortunately for me, this will take much longer and be more heart wrenching than just digging out the mess in the spare room, or a closet.
This, I am hoping, will help lighten the load for me, make me less stressed. I need to be more emotionally stable and available. I need to stop letting certain ideas/things/people, have control over my life and my happiness. I need to worry about me for a while.
So my future posts might be whine filled while I purge my life of certain negative aspects, even my fav junk foods....bear with me.

Who is that handsome boy from B-town?

2008-02-04T12:12:00.001-05:00

Sam the Man!

2008-02-03T11:28:00.000-05:00

So I have asthma...err, I knew I had asthma, it has just gotten to the point where ignoring it isn't working. I have been struggling for a few months now but it finally got to the point where something needed to be done. A trip to the doc was in order.

Not only have I been ordered to use the mother of all inhalers, but I was told I would be going on a 10 day course of prednisone(steroid) too! I told the doctor that I was still breastfeeding but he said that he has to treat me and my symptoms, and that the positives far outweigh the negatives if I don't take them. Seems my airways are in a constant state of constriction now and the medicated inhaler is not enough to clear them up. I am very concerned with this. Both the prednisone and the inhaler have warnings on them to not take while breastfeeding and I am struggling with the idea of using them while nursing Sam still.
I have yet to start the prednisone(am suppose to start Monday) and am not using the inhaler since I picked it up yesterday, but I know I must.

Anyone else going through this? Or just have asthma and can sympathize? I have been using the peak flow meter as well and would like to know what falls in the normal range and what others get for a number when used.

Just another picture post

2008-02-01T20:58:00.000-05:00

My little guy got his first haircut tonight. A little too much was tooken off the top if you ask me but he was long overdue for a trim. Just a few pics, showing off his super handsomeness. :)

Arggh!

2008-02-01T12:11:00.000-05:00

One of my biggest flaws is addiction. Not alcohol or drug or even gambling addiction. I get addicted to smaller, less harmful things, like food, or lack there of.

I get so easily and quickly addicted to things that I enjoy or that are made known to me. Take for instance the show LOST. I never watched it the first season that it was on but M and I caught reruns of the first season during the hiatus before the second season started and we were both captivated. I ran out and bought the whole first season so we could watch it on our time. I couldn't watch or think of any other show. My thoughts during the day ran into theories of the island and the survivors.
After the long recent hiatus, I thought my addiction was over...then LOST returned last night and already, my mind is running through all the what ifs, who dunnit, what the hell was that thing?
*sigh* and I hear that the series finale isn't until 2010!

I hope my LOST addiction doesn't interfer with my Rock of Love2 showtimes. (I won't tell you all about the insane dream I had revolving around Brett Micheals last night)

When all the signs point to the obvious

2008-01-29T18:30:00.001-05:00

why am I still the sucker who believes. Its not as bad as it sounds, it wasn't meant that way...was it? No, thats crazy talk, she is suppose to be my compadre, me amigo. Could someone really be capable of such a cowardly act?

Nobody will tell on me

2008-01-25T14:32:00.000-05:00

if I blog about my great dislike for my new camera my hubby got me for Christmas, will they? I feel so ungrateful for even typing that but this camera is just not compatible with me, or vice versa.

Complaint numero uno, it takes batteries. :( Who still makes a camera that takes batteries? I thought we were in the 21st century. Aren't we suppose to be able to just plug that sucker into our laptops/outlet, and voila?!(In case anyone has noticed the lack of pictures in my project photo-op, you now know why) A friend recommended pluggin it into a potato, she heard that you can power up certain things that way. I only succeeded in ruining a potato and my USB cord. :(
(and yeah, I am that gullible that I tried it)

My second point, not even a nuclear physicist could figure out all the whohaas and doodads that are on this camera. Sure, if I had 2 free years to read the novel sized instruction manual that came with it, I might be able to use it easier. But I don't see that happening in the near future.

And lastly, the functions to take pictures with like, kids, outdoors, low light, suck major butt. Doesn't matter what option you have it on, the pictures all come out the same, very generic looking.
I could be outside on a sunny day and use the outdoors/bright light function and it is the same as being in a dark room somewhere snapping pics.

If you ask M though, I love the camera to pieces and it is just right for me and my picture shooting needs. Hey, its not like I want to be the next big photographer!

My "changes"

2008-01-24T09:03:00.000-05:00

A friends blog entry got me thinking about what it is about me that I would truly love to change this year. The only real difference between me in 2008, so far, and me in 2007, is that I am even more stressed out. And I didn't think that was even possible.
So here goes...bear with me, it may be long and wordy.

First off I would like to find myself. I got pregnant with my Emma and had her during my last year in high school. I have been in mommy mode ever since. Of course, I went on to expand my family 3 more times. Along the way, Heather had gotten tucked way behind, in a jar, in a cubby somewhere, I only answer to Mumma or Dear now. No time for just myself. Even a haircut, which I desperately need, turns into a family ordeal when I have to find a sitter, the money to get it cut, plead with 2 teenage girls to let me get out of the house without them and convince them that it is okay for me to leave and that I will come back.
I miss Heather, she use to be a fun loving, humorous, laid back kinda girl. Sure she has some quirks and phobias, but that was part of her blueprint, what made her, her. All facets of my life revolve around my family and children, which it should, to a degree. But not to the point where I have panic attacks thinking of what I will become as my children grow and leave the nest. Sad, isn't it?

My relationship with my children is the next thing I would like to change. This passing year has been hard on this family. Not only financially, but emotionally. Mark and I are so stressed about money, that it dominoes into all other areas of life, which includes being inpatient and snippy with the kids. I need to really make an effort to stop cussing(which I have done alot better with in the past few weeks) and placing blame on the older two, without assessing the whole situation.
I also need to spend quality time with the older two on a regular basis. Let them know that as they grow, that I am still here for them in all the little ways I have always been before. Having 4 kids, I am sure the girls feel part of their needs have been swept under the rug while I care for the younger boys. I don't like that.

My relationships with Mark stinks to be quick honest. Its like we are roommates, except for that one day a month he comes hounding for sex. Yeah, once a month. I can't believe we are that methodical and lazy that we can only find time and energy for intimacy once a month. I need to not always just blurt out that I am tired or just say okay, quickly before one of the kids wakes up. We need to find that intimacy we always had before. And do it quick, before the fire has been put out. I have always heard that your husband is suppose to be your best friend. I love M to pieces but we are polar opposites and don't enjoy the same things. I however, will try to partake in his hobbies, he won't even give mine a second thought. I want to work on that friendship area as well. I want us to enjoy each others company. Not just when we are doing the horizontal mambo either.

I don't have many close friends, 3 to be precise. Along with losing parts of myself, I have also lost some close connections to friends. We still talk, sometimes often, sometimes not. And we would be there for each other no matter what situation arose but that extreme closeness is not there anymore. No more 9pm DQ runs. No more girls nights in, no 2 hour chats on everything from men to edible panties(don't ask). I am not the most outgoing person but I love my friends, the few that I have and I need them in my life. They are a huge part of what makes me, me.
I would like to be a better friend not only to myself, but to my friends. Contact them more. Actually leave the house and do things with them. Let them know how I appreciate them.
These are the "changes" I want to make to make my world a better place to live my life in.

Depression/suicide

2008-01-22T12:26:00.000-05:00

Does anyone know what the warning signs are? Can you slink down into depression so quickly that you feel that suicide is the only option?
What are the steps you take if you feel someone is suicidal? Or you are unsure if it is just depression?
I could sure use some help. Thanks!

Random question

2008-01-21T06:23:00.000-05:00

Do you think there is any hope for bully's? Do you think people can grow out of such a thing? Or, are they doomed to be the type of person who tries to control/manipulate anyone that comes into their lives?

All for money

2008-01-18T08:27:00.000-05:00

I am so sick of being poor! So sick of barely making ends meet, or coming up short any given month. So, I had the bright idea to start a semi, at home daycare to earn some extra cash.
As is stands now, I will be pulling in $150 a week by watching 2 children in after school care and one 8 week old boy. I watch the little one all weekend, for 17 hours a day! Am I crazy or what?
I feel so bad for the mother, having to work those hours and not be able to see her son at all, pretty much, on those days.

I hope everything works out well. I could sure use the extra money to put towards bills.

Its going by too fast....

2008-01-16T13:10:00.000-05:00

my little guy's first year of life. I brought him in for his 1 year check up at the doctors today. He is still pretty much a midget. He weighed 17 pounds on the dot and was 29 inches long. He had 3 shots, he was suppose to get 4, but they were out of the HipB vacc. We are on the waiting list for when their stock is replenished.
He was not happy about any of it of course, neither was I. I was also told that they needed to check his iron levels (new state law) and something else, via blood work. I couldn't hear over Sam's screeching.
Of course, the lab techs were awesome but Sam was wiggly and upset so they had to stick him more than once. He now has a giant bruise that covers half his little arm. Okay, I exaggerate but it was horrible and his arm looks terrible.
Hope he doesn't spike a huge fever :(

Edited to add a pic of my big/little guy today.

The big birth control debate

2008-01-16T07:46:00.000-05:00

My oldest daughter, Emma, will be 15 this fall. She has had a few boyfriends in the past and claims to be madly in love with some boy we will name Z. They are not dating, as of yet. My daughter is an easily influenced child and succumbs to peer pressure pretty easily.

Because of this, I would like to take her to my OB/GYN, and have her looked over and placed on birth control. Her father, of course, is not loving that idea. Mark and I are polar opposites on most issues/religion/politics. He believes that if we put her on birth control, it will just be the go ahead she needs to start being sexually active. To me, that is the point. Whether or not we like the idea, Emma will become sexually active and probably before she is out of high school. I would rather her be protected when that happens and not stick my head in the sand and cross my fingers that she will never have sex...well, at least not until she is 30.

Now, this isn't one of those I am right, Mark is wrong posts. And trust me, if you read my blog, you will come across numerous posts of that kind. This is simply a vent post. I don't want to be forced to go behind Mark's back and stick Emma on birth control, but I if that is the only option, then I will do it. Its a quality of life issue. What life is she gonna have if she is pregnant at 16?

I also need to go over the condom speel with her too. You never know who is carrying what out there and I don't want her to feel that just because she is on the pill, she is safe. I can't believe this is my life!

Immobility = declined life?

2008-01-15T13:32:00.000-05:00

Mark got the call the other day that his 92 year old grandmother, who lives alone, had fallen down and was stuck there for 2.5 hours. She has one of those Lifealert bracelets but since she was on the phone when she turned and fell and was on her old phone, not a cordless, the lifealert doesn't work.

Her daughter came over after getting her hair done, to check on her and found her. She is better now but not the same. Pretty shook up and not wanting to move around as much. Her husband, after a fall a few years ago, declined pretty quickly and died 2 years later. I am afraid, with her age, and her decreased activity, that she is going to pass away before the years end.

This woman has always been super busy and could run circles around me, even at the age of 80. In her mind, she is a 30 year old woman, trapped in this old body. Her whole life has changed drastically in the past few years and she is definetly not use to having to depend on anyone, for anything.

We went down today, to visit and plow/shovel her out after the big snowstorm yesterday. She seems to get worse everytime I go down. I know it is the way of life, but it is just so discouraging to see and deal with. I feel so badly for Mark. He was raised by his grandparents. Was extremly close to both of them, especially his grandfather and to have lost him, and now his grandmother being in such rough shape, lets just say it is taking a toll on him.

Random funny

2008-01-14T20:34:00.000-05:00

My little guy, Thomas, still needs help washing his hair in the tub every night. Tonight, after washing his hair, he lays back in the tub and asks me what color his weenie is. I laugh and say why?
He says that it looks like a little buoy when it floats in the tub and he wanted to paint his buoys that color! lol
Only from the mouth of a true Mainah!

Oh yes! (well maybe)

2008-01-13T12:05:00.000-05:00

Two posts from me in one day? Awesome!

Anyway, anyone know anything about the Nationwide Tax Relief agency?
As many of you know, Mark and I recently went through an audit, we had a bum accountant and now the IRS is claiming we owe them mucho dinero. I saw the above agency on a tv ad, along with "real life" people who claim they have been helped through them.

Long story short, I contacted them, via phone, they said their fee was $2800 and pretty much that I needed to wire them that money immediately for them to help and to keep my place. The man said they were extremly busy and he had already, 187 clients. If I didn't sign up and send them the money right away, I would lose my place.

Mark and I need to get this whole IRS issue situated. It is weighly heavily on every aspect of our lives and lets face it, I can't afford $40k. I don't even have my own home, something that we have been working towards and might never have now because of this. Very depressing to say the least.
Anyone know how I can go about checking this company out or had any expierence through them? The man on the phone said he was almost certain he could shave $20k off our supposed debt.

Good start to a new day

2008-01-13T10:25:00.000-05:00

I am lovin' today. Everything seems to have settled into place today. The things that have been bothering me and weighing on my mind the past few days, have been lifted, or I have just chosen to not care and let them stress me out so much, one of the two. :)

I woke up late, to hear dishes clanking in the sink and the sounds of a content little man, playing in the other room. Weird, that I wake to find him not next to me in bed, and that someone else took responsibility for him and let me sleep. I go to stretch out in bed and realize I can't. My oldest boy has camped out at the foot of my bed, again, which explains the pain in my back and legs. Obviously, from being curled into a little ball all night.
As I make my way out to the kitchen, I see Sam in the living room, laughing at his new toy(thanks B) and my loulou, doing the dishes for me. How sweet is that girl? I ask her what she is going and she says, "making my life easier".
So far, a good day.

Coming to a blog near you

2008-01-12T17:42:00.001-05:00

ME!
Yes, I am back. I will be starting to blog about life, or my lack of, again! That excites you all to no end, I know.
Stay tuned!

Its that time of year again

2007-12-21T20:02:00.000-05:00

Logan's MRI was scheduled today. She has them twice a year as a prevenative I guess you could say. She also is due for alot of blood work and a bone age scan. Last time we checked her bone age, her bones were aging more rapidly than she was. :(

Please keep your fingers crossed for my little girl that everything is normal and she is still cancer free!

Grrrr

2007-12-19T08:54:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one technologically challenged? I am making my blog rounds, checking out everyones new posts. I am the only one without a pretty holiday background!
And, only because I don't know how to change it or where to find one. I am usually an over achiever, by nature, and I hate not knowing how to do things.

Thought(s) for the day

2007-12-17T12:47:00.000-05:00

Has everyone forgotten the meaning of the word yield?

Since when has delivering home baked goods to an elderly neighbor, a negative thing? I don't expect anything in return. No reciprocation necessary.

There is a sheet of ice over everything, so why is there school when the roads are unsafe to travel on?

Sweaty and sleeping babys make my day. :)

Seeing a welcome home daddy sign on a neighbors house makes me thankful that every member of their family, are home and safe for the holidays.

My son writing Santa a letter just to ask for something for me on Christmas shows me that I must be doing something right.

Quicksand

2007-12-06T19:47:00.000-05:00

Sinking feeling

going under

feeling weighted

heavy shoulders

unnecessary burden

clawing upwards

sinking deeper

desperate measures

Nor'easta

2007-12-02T21:08:00.000-05:00

Our first big snow storm is headed here after midnight. Reports of accumulations anywhere between 10-18 inches, are being reported. Looks like it is time to break out the shovels. Lets hope I don't bust my back shoveling all day tomorrow.

Twas the first day of Christmas

2007-11-30T22:17:00.000-05:00

and my true love gave to me, blah blah blah. Or at least that is what my hubby seems to hear when I spout out my list of Christmas wishes. Yes, I know, we don't usually buy for each other in general but every year we do Secret Santa here. There is where everyone in the family puts their name in a hat and we all pick one to see who will buy for this year.
Well guess who got me? The grinch himself. He rips open the Sears flyer at the dinner table tonight, proud as a peacock, to show me what he has hand picked out for his secret santa(he doesn't realize that I know he has me since the kids all spill on who they got). Go ahead and guess what he thinks is the best gift...

Nope, not jewelry....no fancy electronic dodads that I have eyed all year, no new camera since mine broke. Okay, our spending limit is $15 so the camera is out, but you get my point.

This is what he thinks is an acceptable gift.

Do you see my frustration? I am all for being thrifty and saving money but buying me a hair trimming set so we can save money cutting all our own hair? The one thing under the tree for me is going to be this? At least its not a nose trimmer, haha.

My poor eye :(

2007-11-29T21:03:00.000-05:00

As you may have noticed, I have not been updating my blog since Thanksgiving. Sorry about that. I have been dealing with a sick baby(ear infections) and not feeling too well myself. While rocking Sam to sleep a few nights ago, after listening to his cry and fuss for hours and running on little sleep, he reached up and dug his fingernail right into my eye. It hurt immensely and starting watering up. I couldn't open it for a few minutes afterward.
The next day I wake up and it is closed up and red and watery still. It feels like there is a piece of sand in my eye and as much as I try not to, I rub it all dang day. Which just tends to make it worse. I ask the doctor to look at that night when I bring little S to the doctor and she did the eye dip test and said my cornea was scratched. It feels much better already, even after just 1 day of drops.
Just a little update on me. Hopefully I will back to my old blog logging self now!

Tis the season to be jolly

2007-11-26T10:10:00.000-05:00

Bah humbug! What to do if you just can't get in the Christmas spirit!

Dedicated to my dear friend Amy.

Put your tree and decorations up

Drink a big fat glass of eggnog

Make a snow angel after the first snows fall

Sing Christmas songs while in the shower, doing the dishes, changing a stinky diaper

Make some christmas cookies with your kids

Invite a friend over and wrap gifts together

Look at pictures of Christmas' past, get all nostalgic

Make a "if I was a millionaire" list of what you would get the people in your life for Christmas

Enjoy a candy cane

Make some popcorn and cranberry garland for decoration

Make some paper snowflakes

Or just take the stick out of your bum Grinch, its Christmas! :)

I got me the sniffles

2007-11-24T13:57:00.001-05:00

Anyone know anything to help a really bad cold that just won't go away? Usually I don't self medicate, or medicate actually, but hubbys cough is so bad.
This cold came on fast, out of nowhere. Wednesday he had a runny nose and watery eyes, with a cough here and there. Thanksgiving morning he woke up with the chills and a cough so severe, he couldn't sleep. He stayed home for Thanksgiving because he felt so crummy.

We have tried Delsym, Tylenol PMs(to help him sleep) and Nyquil. He went to work today but I know he feels so wiped out and I hate to see him sick. Especially since he is a man, and we all know how they deal with any type of sickness. In other words, he is a whiney baby that is driving me crazy!
Any help would be bueno!

For once

2007-11-21T22:50:00.000-05:00

I don't have to make Thanksgiving dinner! Or even any kind of pie or side dish. I am off the hook. Don't get me wrong, I love to cook but finding time to sit down and cook anything worth eating with 4 kids, is a huge job in itself.
A 2 hour cake turns into about 4 hours once we you have two children wanting to help mix/bake it, lick the spoons, frost/decorate it, then fly the coop when it comes time to clean up. Sometimes, I just have a craving for a nice big slab of chocolate cake and I want to bake it fast so I can eat it. Not have it be a lesson in baking to my younger children, selfish, I know.

Tomorrow I will be partaking in the best foods my family has to offer. Everything from turkey and ham to stromboli and whipped potatoes with my grandmothers homemade grazy...MMmMmm!
Hope everyone has the happiest of Thanksgiving with an abundance of love and family!

ARGH!

2007-11-20T20:56:00.000-05:00

See the toy picture I added? They are called Littlest Pet Shops and they are the crave sweeping the nation! My daughter is on a personal hunt to own every stinking one!

Her Christmas list to Santa is filled with LPS wants. She has over 100 of the colorful little guys already. Its hard to keep track of what she does have and what she doesn't. I do have a small list of ones we haven't acquired yet. Rare or Hot ones like the one in the picture that sell out as soon as they go in stock. It is so frustrating to not be able to find the one thing(s) my kid wants for the holidays.

Tonight, I thought all that changed! I got an email from a friend stating that she found most of the rare LPS sets and sent me a link. I was so excited, I couldn't contain myself or wait til after dinner, which I usually do, to get online. I immediately brought my laptop in my room and sat down to order up a boatload of these things for my girl and my niece.

I click on the link and sure enough, there they all are. But at 6x the price! These little pets go for roughly $4.44 at local stores and on this website, they were up to $26.99 a piece! A mum of four, on a budget, can't afford that!

I think it is unfair that companies can do this. These toys aren't retired, they are still producing them. It is just their way of making more money off us consumers!

Well, it was on sale!

2007-11-19T20:39:00.000-05:00

Thats what my husband says to me everytime I come home with something from the store that wasn't on the list. That comment use to instantly get my back up but lately I think, so what? Isn't that what I am suppose to be doing? Getting things on sale? Having a large family means cutting corners, clipping coupons, and saving the pennies, wherever you can!

I like to think ahead. Check out the sales flyers, buy in bulk when it is worth it and use coupons to save extra moolah when I can. Poor hubby doesn't think that far ahead I guess. He doesn't understand why I would waste money this week to buy 2 containers of laundry detergent, so I can get 1 free, when I will only use 1/3 of it all this week. I try to tell him that detergent is one of those things in our house that we will always use and it is worth it to spend a little more money this week, to get the free jug.

What does this all lead into you may ask? Black Friday!
M(hubby) has no idea why I would get up super early in the morning, stand in the cold, and wait in lines, hours long, all in the name of shopping. He has no idea how much money I save every year doing our holiday shopping by partaking in this little tradition. Maybe I should get a sitter and drag his butt out with me this year?
Tell me I am not the only one labeled crazy enough to partake in some Black Friday fun?

Why is it so darn difficult

2007-11-18T18:49:00.000-05:00

to tell the people in your life, how much you care about them?
Today is my fathers birthday, he is 58! I love him immensely. He is the person that every man in my life has been scrutinized, in my own mind and measured up against. I named my first son after him. And boy did I junx myself with that. Little T is quite like his poppa, big T!

My father is not an affectionate man. Not his fault entirely. He lost his mum at a very early age and back then, it was very uncommon for a man to have any hand in upbringing children, so his relationship with his own father dwindled considerably. Part to his not being there for him and typical childhood rebellion I guess. Father has one brother, twin sisters, plus 3 more growing up. I have seen them all a handful of times and his father passed away years ago, before I ever had kids.

Today on his birthday, all I wanted to do was give him his card, visit for a few minutes, give him a hug and tell him how much I love him. Words that I know will make him uncomfortable and he will squirm like a cat in a blanket. Every year, I say I am going to do this, no matter if it makes him feel weird or not. I was set this year, nothing was going to keep me from it. I had the kids all eating dinner early so we could go see Poppa, when I get the call that he was sick, on his birthday! :(
I have to call him after dinner to wish him a happy birthday, he was sleeping most of the day I hear. I know I could say I love you over the phone, but it is something I really want to do in person. Hope I don't make him run for cover. Wish he could accept my love, the love from his child a little easier.

Did ya forget we ain't rich?

2007-11-17T09:49:00.000-05:00

When I ask my kids what they want Santa to bring them for Christmas this year, why do I get a mile long list? Not only that, why is every single item on my kids lists, not under the $100 mark?
Money is of no object to them. They have no concept of finances. They believe for years, thanks to their father, that there was a money tree out back of the house that I went and plucked whenever I wanted some cash. ( I joked to hubby that this year things have been so rough that its only giving out change, not bills)
Don't get me wrong, I don't think our children should have to worry about money. I am glad that they don't have to wonder if we are going to have electricity, food, etc. But it makes me wonder if I am doing a huge disservice to them by not making them aware of the value of a dollar. Or, maybe I am overthinking it and they are asking for big, expensive gifts from Santa because, its Santa?
Heres hoping this Santa Claus doesn't go in the poor house this season.

The ten things I want right this minute!

2007-11-16T14:03:00.000-05:00

I want:

A warm bath
a nap
a maid to come do my mountain of dishes
a call from a friend
a reason to believe in the good of others
a full nights sleep
for my lunch to not be gone
a haircut
for my kids to realize how happy they make me

Super Wal-mart makes me super mad!

2007-11-15T20:53:00.001-05:00

What was I thinking? That I would be able to do most, if not all of my holiday shopping early and online and that would be that?! I was so giddy that I would not have to fight all the crowds for the seasons must have toy or electronic. I could sit in the privacy of my home and mull over everything there was to buy and do it on my schedule, no long lines, no running from store to store in the cold. Easy, right?
Wal-mart didn't want me to have it so easy. Not only have they took my 1 order, that I had shipped to the store so to save me some money, and shipped almost every piece seperate so I am having to run to the store nightly to pick up items that have come in, but noone is ever there to assist me and I spend a good half hour waiting for an associate to come help me.

Tonight, I go over, with my 7 year old. Find a note in the site-to-store area telling me to to go crafts for assistance, which I go to, only to find a note saying to go to electronics for assistance. I head there, the electronics worker pages someone to crafts, which is what the note said to do. My boy and me head to crafts to wait for someone, 10 minutes later, noone is there so we head over to the site to store section, hoping someone is there.
There is another customer there, waiting with her kids. She gets her item pulled from out back but noone back there is able to check her out so you guessed it, they page someone. Fast forward 20 more minutes. Finally, it is my turn! Yay!
I am picking up 4 items, I thought. One big box, my sons carseat, and one little box which I assume has 3 items in it. The lady opens it up and tells me there are only 2 items in the box, not a big deal, I guess only 2 were in. I wait for them to finish up and I leave. Get home and the slip says that I picked up 4 items, not 3. Clearly, I only picked up 3 items, the fourth, a movie, was not in the box. So I am peeved. I call Wal-mart and of course noone knows what to do about it and the last thing I want is to go over there tomorrow and have to sit around with the baby for an hour while they figure it out so I am thinking if I call and alert them, than I can just run in tomorrow and pick up the missing item, the movie, or they can tack it on to the rest of my order when it comes in.
After 3 transfers on the phone, and one hang-up, numerous minutes, they know nothing. They are suppose to be calling me back soon or tomorrow. Great. Why can't anything be easy?

The time of thanks

2007-11-14T20:16:00.000-05:00

With Thanksgiving right around the bend, I thought it would be the perfect time to reflect on things that I am thankful for. And, of course I had to share with all of you in blog land! Feel free to add your top 3 or 4 or 5 things you are thankful for.

1) My family, of course! Everyone from my feathery baby birds to my grumpy teenager, workaholic hubby, and all in between!

2) My friends, without one in particular, I might not get through some days. If I ever receive nothing else this year, her friendship would be enough.

3) The health and safety of my loved ones and I. Having gone through some hard medical diseases/issues, I can truly appreciate life and how fragile it is.

4)Having a warm bed and food in our bellies. I may not have the biggest home but it is home, a roof over our heads and my children may feel neglected because they do not eat at the golden arches every day, but there is always food for them to mow down on.

5) The internet, lame I know. This is however, the one thing that is for me. I enjoy sharing my life on http://forums.supermomsworld.com/ <---the forum I help run. I love my blog and lets not forget the hassle free online holiday shopping! :)

6) Mark. No words can express how wonderful and selfless this man is. He has had a hard time lately but I truly believe he can and will pull it together, like he always does, and do the best for his family. Having to care for 5 other people besides yourself is overwhelming and I am grateful for all that he does.

Boobymilk, the cure all?

2007-11-13T14:56:00.000-05:00

You surely have heard the old adage, an apple a day keeps the doctor away? Well how about a shot of breastmilk a day can keep acne at bay?

I swear, breastmilk is the cure all this day and age, what can't you do with it? It is used primarily for nourishment, the best kind I might add. It has also helped clear up cradle cap, baby acne, diaper rash, to just name a few.

It really doesn't taste all that horrible either. Of course, I have tasted it before, haven't you? I taste all of Mister S's foods/drinks before he inhales them.

Remember that old V8 commercial? Smack yourself and declare that you shoulda had some boobymilk! :)

Breastmilk, its whats for dinner!

POTW

2007-11-13T14:27:00.000-05:00

POTW
Capturing every day things in a creative light

Dr.Seuss'ish'

2007-11-12T11:55:00.000-05:00

These pics I took earlier of Sam reminded me of a Dr.Seuss book, not sure why.

I can play with a bowl in bed

I can play with a bowl on my head

Did you hear what I said

I said, I like to play in bed!

Penny for your thoughts

2007-11-11T12:03:00.000-05:00

Do you hate change? No, I don't mean life changes. I mean coins, pennies specifically. I hate spending all my time to roll them and make out with maybe $5, when I am through. A friend of mine states that it costs more for the mint to make pennies, than they are worth. She says, they would be worth more as scrap metal than anything else!

What do you think? Are the days of the penny coming to an end? What about the days of the coin and paper money? Electronic money is the way to go in this day and age. If we eliminate the penny, surely the nickel is not far behind, then the dime, the quarter, so on. Our coppered old Honest Abe coin, is a piece of our history.

Which leads me to ask, if we get rid of the penny, what will we put in our penny loafers?

Photos

2007-11-10T14:24:00.000-05:00

I am becoming a photo-holic! As much of one as I can be considering I have the crappiest camera on the planet. I use my daughters whenever I can.

I would really like for Santa to bring me a nice Nokia camera. I hear those are the best. You can buy additional lenses for them and they have a quick shutter speed. I am curious to hear what everyone uses for a camera and if you have tooken any photography courses/classes?

Also, what do you all like to photograph? Besides your family? I love looking at nature photos personally.

Can't remember what the camera we have is exactly, but here is a pic I took of me, Sam, and the camera, this morning!

Baby, we were born to blog

2007-11-09T16:09:00.001-05:00

How can I have gotten so addicted to yet another internet fandangle so quickly? I don't know, but I need some kind of 12 step program already. Sad isn't it?

When something comical happens in my life, my first thought is 'I gotta call Amy' followed by, how can I work this into my blog?

As someone else has surely said before, to live is to blog?

Happy Birthday to me!

2007-11-08T11:07:00.001-05:00

Moi!

Todays blog post is brought to you by the funny looking baby above. Hard to believe that baby has been on this earth for 33 years now. Long may the children of '74 live!

A friend tagged me for this very historical Birthday Meme. Here are the rules.
Go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday (month and day).
Write down three events, 2 births, 1 holiday.
Here are the random things related to my birthday, November 8th.

3 events that happened Nov.8:

1793 - In Paris, the French Revolutionary government opens the Louvre to the public as a museum.

1965 - The British Indian Ocean Territory is created, consisting of Chagos Archipelago, Aldabra, Farquhar and Des Roches islands.

2004 - War in Iraq: More than 10,000 U.S. troops and a small number of Iraqi army units participate in a siege on the insurgent stronghold of Fallujah.

2 Births:

1966 - Gordon Ramsay, British chef and reality television personality

1836 - Milton Bradley, American game manufacturer (d. 1911)

1 Holiday:

Feast of Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity

Project Photo Op

2007-11-07T11:18:00.000-05:00

Quick, look to the right....no, your other right...over there --->
I have committed myself to taking one pick a day, hence, Project Photo-Op. You can click the link on the right to check them out, but there is only one pic so far.
And don't worry, I promise they won't all be pics of my beautiful family!

My lumpy boy

2007-11-06T23:05:00.001-05:00

I have always called my little man a lump. He is 10 months now and is still has chosed the land of immobility. I worry about him but then I look at him and see that he is thriving and progressing, just maybe not as quickly as the rest of the babies his age.

As you can tell by the picture above, he is quite happy and I have always said that his social development is phenomenal! Keep an eye out for an overload of pics soon.

My girl

2007-11-05T19:42:00.001-05:00

I love that song. Whenever I hear that song or 'Brown Eyed Girl', I think of my Emma. My sweet little freckled face girl. She is growing up way too quick ya know.

As I am scratching my head trying to figure out what to buy her this year for Christmas it makes me think back to a time when the holidays were filled with long rectangular barbie boxes wrapped up in the prettiest pink paper and tied up with the girliest bow I could find. I long for those times.
It was a simpler time in our relationship, me and my girl. Where a promise to bake cookies together after dinner, cheered up the darkest of days. A simple kiss on her scratch, and all her boo boo's and crocodile tears faded away. She would sign I love you Mom, to me every morning from the bus window and leap off the bus steps in the afternoon to rush to me and tell me how great her day was.

Yeah, those days are long gone. Now our days are filled with eye rolls when I ask her how her day was. If I am lucky, I will get a fine mom, out of her. The mere thought of spending enough time with me to bake cookies seems to repulse her. My kisses and hugs are not welcome as often anymore and her boo boo's have took on new meanings. They are no longer scratches on the knees, but scratches of the heart. Damage done by the opposite sex cannot be repaired by a kiss and cuddle from a loving momma.

My girl stayed home from school today, sick with the stomach bug we have all been passing around here the past few weeks. My girl woke me at 1am last night to say her belly hurt and would I wake up and sit with her cause she was feeling bad. I rose up out of bed, got her a glass of water and a straw, a few napkins and a big comfy blanket to wrap her up in and helped her onto the couch. I sat there with her, hugging her, rubbing her back and eventually holding her hair while she didn't feel good. These are the only times I get nowadays to be close to her.....I miss My Girl......

New things

2007-11-04T10:38:00.000-05:00

Are you good at trying new things? New foods, new hobbies, meeting new people?
I stink at it. I find immense comfort in familiarity and find it hard to think and look outside the small box I have made around myself.

I think the hardest for me is meeting new people or going new places. For one, I hate getting lost. I have this insane fear of it and refuse to travel anywhere "new" alone because of it. It really inhibits my ability to do certain things and go places with my children at times.

Number two, I clam right up when it comes to meeting new people face to face. Gimme a phone though, and I can yak your ear off. Dunno why that is? Even if I have talked to said person in great lengths over the phone, when we meet up in person, I get real quiet. Makes me wonder if that person thinks I am not genuine?

Lobstering

2007-11-03T20:54:00.000-04:00

We took these pictures this past summer. My oldest boy has the salt water coursing through his veins, just like his daddy. The boy loves to fish and lobster.
It is a how to, in pictures, of hauling a trap, hoping for that hard shelled gold!

Sweet essence of babies

2007-11-03T14:27:00.000-04:00

Today, I am feeling overwhelmed for the love of my family. Today is just an ordinary day, nothing special has happened. My kids haven't done extra chores or been all lovey dovey to each other to make me feel this way. Quite the contrary, the middle two have been in, lets see who can yell at each other the loudest, match for most of the day. This includes the round of boxing they got into at Wal-mart over who was going to push Sam's stroller.

My oldest daughter is zoned out on myspace. I had to ask her 3 times to get off the computer and come take Sam into the other room so I can vaccum, cause the sound scares him. Anytime I talk to her lately, she seems like she is just answering me to humor herself. Teenagers!

The weather is dreery, for most. We have a huge wind storm coming in, leaves are being kicked up and thrown all over the yard. It is raining quite heavily outside as well. Just the type of fall weather I love. It makes me reflect on things, although I am not sure why.

I have always loved the fall season, it is my favorite time of year. Everything about fall reminds me of family. Thanksgiving, abundant family birthdays, including my own, hehe. Halloween, apple picking, yard work that we do as a family.
Anyone that reads my blog, I would like to entice to take a moment, admist the chaos that is called family, and really think about how lucky you are to have each other.

Happy Flu!

2007-11-01T20:46:00.000-04:00

Today I was going to post a nice happy first of November topic. Instead, I am posting briefly how I am sidelined with the flu, a sick child, a crabby infant, and a needy husband.
I hope this goes away soon. Two of my older kids had, what I think is the same stomach bug/flu, last week and it took them up to 4 days to get over it.

Please PLEASE flu, go away! Don't come back another day.

Why

2007-10-31T13:41:00.000-04:00

Why must toy companies put so many zip ties and elastic bands, etc. around everything they sell?
I swear it takes me longer to open the darn toy at home than it does to wander through Wally, waiting on the kids to pick out said toy, stand in the endless long line to cash out, and then drive home?
Are Wal-mart or the toy companies so worried that I am going to steal this big rectangle box of toy? Am I going to somehow be able to stick it up under my shirt and pretend I am about to birth a giant square?

Makes me want to start making my own toys...do the Amish do that? Wonder if they will gimme a lesson.

Breastfeeding

2007-10-30T13:54:00.000-04:00

Okay all you non breastfeeding people, tell me what is so wrong with breastfeeding past a certain age?
I read that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for the first year of life. That means until your child turns 1 whole year old. Not one week, nor one month, a whole fiscal year!
I get stares at the mall, which yes, I have braved to whip my white boobie out and feed my child when he was hungry, oh, the humanity! I have had a few negative comments and honestly, I am so flabberghasted by them that by the time I gather my thoughts and think of something to say back, that person has already walked off.

What gets me the most is that all these comments come from women, mothers themselves. Aren't we all suppose to be supporting each other here? Is my breastfeeding my healthy/content son, making you feel guilty that you didn't do this with your own child, so you fire back at me out of spite?

I had never planned on breastfeeding past 6 months but life happens. My son has become insanely addicted to the boob and nursing and I don't have the heart to take away the sole thing that gives him comfort. Eventually I will have to as he cannot nurse forever but shouldn't it be on me and my sons terms and timeline, not because people find it to be unsavory?

Halloween

2007-10-30T13:32:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine made a comment about why I would spend my time and money to buy my little 9 month old son a costume and bring him out "begging for food" on Halloween night.

Is it just me or was that slightly rude? I am dressing my child up because I want the pictures and memories that go along with it. I am bringing him out trick-or-treating, not begging for food, cause I will be bringing my other children out to trick-or-treat as well.

This comes from a woman who has brought her children out on Halloween night in years past, but now she has found the lord and believes Halloween is for evil doers.

How can people turn just like that? I am all for faith and religion, whatever floats your boat but what about the kids? They are use to a certain way of life, and now they are told that there will be no more Halloween, Easter Bunny, or Christmas because momma has a new boyfriend and they have all found Jesus? Please!